The Hyderabadi Road:
“The VOW: There will not be less than 5 potholes of undefined size and shape for every 20 feet of road”
No matter where you are in Hyderabad…. If you ask for directions … its always…”seeeedha jane ka…ek hi raasta ….ek hi raasta”… the only trouble is the ek hi raasta is more intertwined than a creeper plant… and the seedha jaana involves a number of U or Y or W or Z junctions…. Now you can figure out which is seeeedha!! J
The distance of your destination probably depends on the number of eeeee’s in the seedha… The more the stress on the eeee’s the further you need to go…
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The Hyderabadi Autowalas:
Auto mein bethte hain Saath instead of Char!
Adjust karna sikha dete hain yaar
Any time argument ke liye bhi hain ready
But kissi bhi gali ya nukkad se nikaal lete hai gadi
Traffic ko beat karna hai toh without sorrow
Apni car me autowale ko karo follow…
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The Hyderabadi bikers:
“The VOW: We will resemble a swarm of locusts; with or without helmets”
Recall the humid weather in Hyderabad (actually in most of india) …. and those little tiny black insects which annoyingly hover in front of your eyes…. You can never seem to swat them or catch them in your hand or drive them away by any means…. They are just there, getting on your nerves… I am sure they are called ‘the hyderabadi bikers’ among the arthropods!
My guess is the bikers suffer from Macropsia (condition affecting visual perception, in which objects appear larger than normal) coz no matter what the distance is between two cars at a signal… there will invariably be 6 bikers nosing their way into the gap!!!
And they believe by contorting their face and squeezing their stomach in…. the bike too will magically contract and suddenly transform to be dimensionally suited to fit perfectly in the space between two bumper to bumper cars…
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Q: What is the function of the rear view mirror on the bike?
A: Miyan bolu toh aapna shakal dekhne ke vaste, ya peche begum ko dekhne ke liye ji!!
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The Hyderabadi 4-wheeled Racers:
“The VOW: We will avoid all the potholes on the road by our superior non-speed reducing swerving techniques”
First there was Lorenz’s Chaos Theory and then there were four-wheelers on the hyderabad roads!!
They are Androids on a mission. Androids with Ataxia (condition that causes unsteady and swaying walk). They are programmed to reach from point A to B and that’s it…. And they firmly believe in Displacement (rather than covering the actual distance). They have passed the SSB test (not the service selection board…) and have the three words in ingrained in their heads when they drive…
1) Swerve like Tom Cruise in MI-II
2) Speed like the bus in Speed… below 50kmph is an insult
3) Brake like… Brake?? HUH??
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Q: Why have the side view mirrors been removed from the car?
A: Kya yaaron….. peechu se gadi aake distract marta… indicator marta ya headlight marta… uske vaaste aage vali gadi ko overtake nako kar pata mein.
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The Hyderabadi Pedestrians:
The 3 solemn vows!!
“VOW 1: We are direction dyslexic: will make sure we look right when the vehicles are coming from the left and look left when vehicles are coming from the right; or better still we will look at our watch/wallet/stop and pick our nose, precisely when crossing the road”
“VOW 2: We will dance the shuffle in front of the vehicles… moving front-back, right-left with a Rowan Atkinson expression on our face, while our cerebellum slowly decides ‘to cross or not to cross… that is the question’ ”
“VOW 3: We will choose the exact moment when the signal turns green to run in front of the approaching vehicles to the other side with the conviction of Usain Bolt; and tell the adventurous story to our friends later in the day”
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