Somewhere Between the Pre-reads and the Purpose

Life of a PGPEMer @ IIMB

We are in the middle of the sixth semester now—a strange place to be. Not quite at the end, but far enough in to feel the weight of the journey. The strain of the marathon is real—  the cognitive fatigue, calendar chaos, and the constant juggling.

But I also feel a slow tug of war at play that comes in every now and then...

A sense that the mid-life churn that brought many of us here—that restlessness, that need to reimagine or restart— to the slow, simmering tension of “what did I do all this for?”, “what next?”, and “will it all be worth it?”

Versus the quiet melancholic tug that says, beneath the assignments, readings, deadlines, and late-night cohort calls, there’s something else that's brewing ---- that it’s almost over.

This phase feels like the last few kilometres of a marathon—not the most glamorous, but perhaps the most defining.  We are tired, but strangely alive. Maybe every class is starting to feel more precious. Every group project feels like a memory in the making. We already seem to be almost reminiscing: the inside jokes, the flurry of WhatsApp pings, the nervous energy before presentations, the post-class banter that continues till someone says bhai "nai milega" ;)

There is so much I want to do still. And so much I want to take in before this chapter closes.

But maybe that’s the gift of this moment—to sit in the in-between. 

To feel the weight of all that has been learned, and the ache of what is about to end. And to know that this strange mix of fatigue and fulfilment is a sign that something meaningful happened here.

So here’s to making it this far.
To the versions of ourselves that we met, dropped, and re-discovered along the way.
And to the bittersweet clarity of almost there.

Picture Perfect!

 

This is my favourite picture from our first cultural event at IIM - Bangalore | Pehel 2024. The song was India Wale and the pose was the 'Shahrukh Khan pose'... the last song in our flashmob.

Why is it my favourite? 

Each face here is a different story of blissful abandon and happiness etched for eternity on this canvas!

Just take a look! 

It feels like the entire dance just paused for this moment to come true ...... for some of us to close our eyes and just be one with the moment, some of us to smile widely and open our arms to embrace the whole world as a one, some of us channelled our inner superstar and just felt like one! 

Moments like these are a dancer's dream - when everyone is one with the music and ..... we make an imperfectly perfect picture! 

Every dream has it's day

My Bharatnatyam guru gave me this salangai (anklets) on Vijayadashami in 1995. I was to do my Arangetrum ( first Bharatnatyam stage performance) soon after..... unfortunately, we had to move cities suddenly and getting to that stage again with another teacher and school never happened.

In college, I broke my right knee ACL and subsequent surgery and recovery made sitting in Araimandi (half squat position needed for Bharatnatyam) impossible for a while and extremely difficult since. Dance was not going to stop for me... I paused the classical dances and started learning Western forms... became a Zumba instructor, and found my passion in teaching dance fitness.

All through these 3 decades... my salangai has been with me, wrapped in a yellow cloth, waiting patiently for me to break the barriers of my mind. I had been waiting for my Arangetrum someday... then I was waiting for a classical performance someday... then I was waiting for my knee to fully heal someday... then I was waiting for something... not sure what... to adorn it.

Last weekend I performed on stage... it was neither a full classical dance nor was it my Arangetrum nor is my knee pain free in Araimandi..... but my salangai accompanied me to the stage.

The roti we all eat and the ROTI we all need!

Got into IIM Bangalore!

Did a little dance .... stopped and smiled for a long time and then well .... danced a bit more!

The buildings and the architecture of the college impress you with the legacy and the traditions that would have passed the corridors year after year... time suddenly halts as you stand amidst the beautiful stone walls, and look at the light that just about peers through the green canopy in the covered spaces. The walls are adorned with pictures of students who just like you, would have once stood and admired the facade but are now part of the history that others will look on.

Just being here is an experience in itself and then suddenly you land up for the inauguration at the famous 'Chatur Ramalingam was here' auditorium. One of the alumni, Jay Doshi addressed the incoming batch and spoke about a concept that has resonated with me since that day. He said we need to understand ROTI -  Return on Time Invested - to make the most of our PGPEM program while keeping our sanity and focus. 

PGPEM is a different kind of MBA because we get to pursue our MBA over the weekends (Fridays, Saturdays and most Sundays) while continuing to work. This means your focus is already divided. What was just balancing work with personal time has now become "work - work travel - studies - MBA activities - events - personal time - family time...."

So ROTI makes sense - laser focus on what we feel will be a good return on our time invested. An elegant concept. 

The catch is what is a good ROTI for me? Where should I invest my time to get a good return? and what qualifies as a return for me? And what's the trade-off with my every decision? The answer should lie in our purpose should it not? Why did we choose to do this format of MBA? Why now? What do we want to get out of it? Is it getting great grades while spending quality time with family? Is it clinching a BD deal at work while networking at the B-school? Is it a degree but with a renewed perspective on business that I apply at work? 

Since the inauguration 7 weeks have passed - The sheer volume of information and things to do just hit you like Thor's hammer or Hulk's smash! ....We are even done with our midterm exams! and what I have realised is that no matter what we say we want our ROTI to be - we can only choose where we invest our time - the return may not always be in our control :)

And like Naina says to Bunny in 'Yeh Jawaani hai Diwani'  - "Jitna bhi try karo- life me kuch na kuch toh chootega hi. Toh jahan ho wahin ka mazaa lete hai" [ no matter how hard we try, we will miss something or other in life, so let's just enjoy where we are in the present ]

So I guess I am choosing to focus on the investment bit, each day at a time and let's see what happens! ... I will walk along the corridor to classroom N204 amidst the beautiful stone walls and..... well occasionally I will choose to invest my time to pause, for a moment, and look at the sunlight that just about smiles at me through the green canopy.

A Well Read Fool

This little piece was inspired by people I have come across at different times, who are not related to one another, they come from different walks of life but are strangely similar in their pattern of behaviour. Pulled it out of the archives :)

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A Well Read Fool

I sit with a book in hand

I read to know, I read to impress

I read to opine, I read to control

And people call me 'well-read'

There is not a fact I do not know

There is no discourse I cannot deliver

There is not a debate I cannot win

There is no opinion I cannot crush

But am I really well-read?

I see not the beauty of a painting 

unless to find a crooked line

I miss the forest for the tree

and find fault in everything but 'me'

I read to equip my vocabulary

but infinite knowledge fails to impress me

---*---

Blessed is the person who lives every breath

Finds magic in the sun, the wind and the sky

Who reads to understand how little he knows

And is just simply marvelled by life

What it is to live a life of adventure and exploration

of the mind and the soul

Express to lift up and not bog down

and walk along instead of alone

Unless I realize that the magic of freedom is to let go

of my 'self' and the so-called 'control'

I will live by my set rules

and will remain a well-read fool

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Musings..... 'a page from 2011' | Inclusivity

 ........ Tennis has always been one of my favourite sports and I remember when I was about 25, I worked at Dr.Reddys and signed up for tennis coaching classes in my neighbourhood. It was a 6 a.m. batch - perfect for me to play, get ready and leave for work. 7 months in - I saw a notice saying the ladies' coaching batch had been pushed to 9 a.m. and the gents playing time was now scheduled from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. Mind you we had 2 courts - one was designated as a coaching court and the other for people to play.

I went to the sports committee - some 6/7 men - most of them at least twice my age and they without blinking asked me why I really needed tennis coaching. I will never play professionally anyway and if I really need a coaching spot - why don't I just come at 9 a.m. or join the kid's batch? They said they needed both the courts to get in their tennis time as they have to leave for work.... and there were waiting times for turns at the court - the easier option for them was to change the ladies' coaching time and occupy the second court. When I said I worked as well - they immediately suggested joining the kid's batch (which had an age-wise division and a restriction of 18 years maximum) would probably be the best for me.

I then just marvelled at how they could just decide what was the best thing for me to do. However, this was not the first situation of this kind I had faced - I didn't back down and after negotiations with them - I got a coaching hour for working women and even had them organize a women's tennis tournament to get more women from the neighbourhood interested, and change one of the playing hours to be called just 'playing hours' not 'gents time'.

What did not surprise me back then but pinched me was - I knew I had to do it alone which I did. What surprised me was when I was able to put up my point and argue my case, most of them realized what I was talking about and it was not that hard to achieve a compromise - we found a reasonable workaround which worked for me and them - after all the fact was that there were far more men than women interested in the sport in my neighbourhood. They just had not seen it from my perspective coz there was no representation/no one in their circle that spoke about it / and the other women in the coaching hour just adjusted or gave up the sport.

This is why being open to different perspectives matters. 

You may not know you are not inclusive in your decisions because a different perspective is not in your experience. 

Journey to becoming a Vegetarian: A Change in Perspective

"Shraddha, how long have you loved dogs?"

I look up from petting about 4 at the same time and reply - "grown up with dogs yaar, prefer them to humans most of the time, a pet mommy to a naughty beagle boy as well". I smile as only pet parents can when they recollect how the house is going to be a mess of 'all things within reach' when they get back.

Silence

"you are a hypocrite"

"why do you say that?" ..   Puzzled and hurt at this accusation from my friend.

"how would you feel if people ate dogs?"

"no one eats dogs... are you mad.. how can you even think of killing and eating these beautiful creatures? must be so emotionless and made of stone to do it"

"You eat chicken don't you?

"Yes"

"How can you think of killing and eating 'those' beautiful creatures? Either you are emotionless or you are a hypocrite"

Silence

He continues...  "You relate to dogs because you understand their emotions towards you... you don't understand how a chicken or a lamb or a cow crys out before being killed... you have not given it a thought... you understand one creature's emotions and you don't understand another... that's why I called you a hypocrite..."

*flashback*

Butter chicken and naan | chicken steamed momos - yum yum! Every time I had a chance to order or eat out, the protocol was to go to a place that serves yummy non - veg food. Although I have never been a red meat eater- chicken was pretty much my staple food for over 2 decades.

Being a non- vegetarian was always a choice - a Iyer Brahmin eating chicken ( has to be a matter of choice). I remember not going to an all - veg restaurant because I wasn't sure what I would eat there..."Arre we make all the veg dishes at home... why go to a veg restaurant da?"

*then what changed*

The conversation with my friend made me think, the recent hue and cry in China about the dog festival made me think more...

everyone condemned that... who kills dogs they asked... who eats dogs?? ... "how inhuman" they said.... we said... I said...  are we hypocritical? am I being a hypocrite?

The conversation made me uncomfortable, all of it made me question something that I had been doing without thought for 30 years of my life. I did it for the taste on my tongue. I blocked out what was actually on my plate.

Condemning killing of dogs to satiate us while eating a lamb curry?

How does that make sense?

*I think back - school days*

Cousins are home- task of cooking chicken curry and rice falls on me while the parents are headed out to a wedding. I learn up the recipe and 4 eager mouths are waiting for it.

It's done-smells great - it tastes amazing - my sister and cousins are already demolishing the meal- but I don't eat - I can't eat - infact I eat nothing because I feel like throwing up after cooking the meat.

*but I forget this and after a few weeks I order chicken anyway*

but now, but today - I read up and research about non-veg and humans... did you know that in vegetarian animals, the digestive pipe is very long? do you know why?

The toxic content of veg food is less and vitamins and proteins are more - so the digestive system is designed to hold this type of food for longer hours in the body. 

For non-vegetarian animals, the food pipe length is very short as meat rots faster and needs to be absorbed quickly into the system before it goes bad in the stomach!!

And guess what? Human beings have a long digestive system - we are designed vegetarians... strange that as a science student I never paid attention to this. Moreover before being slaughtered animals generate toxins and hormones that we consume when we eat their meat... good or bad you decide.

*was this a first time a vegetarian had crossed paths with me and turned her nose at my being a non - veg by choice... no not really. But this time it made an impact*

An impact that caused a change in my perspective. The same thing I did over and over most of my life suddenly didn't make sense to me any more. I looked at my food not with my tongue but with my heart.

I no longer blocked out what I might feel on hearing how they are killed for me to eat. I looked, I heard, I felt and then I could not any more.

I changed the way I look at life.

I turned vegetarian for life.