The day I starred in a Movie!!

There are folks who work in my neighboring porta
who have creative genes ka bharpur quota
They said chalo lets make a movie
and were met with an enthusiastic Oh groovy!!

Its about four guys who are lost in translation
and a new city provides them a revelation
Language is never an issue
when you find companions just like you

The role of the HR required someone trendy
and of course they approached 'yours truly'
Come on! I need a grand entry
after all this is my poetry!

The word 'action' had a dramatic effect
the camera and I had an instant connect
The trouble started when dubbing was beginning
I realized I had to perfectly reproduce my previous 'overacting'

All in all, it was a fun deal
it sent spinning my creative wheel
And if i ever get bored of the legal sphere
Acting is definitely my alternate career

By working on the subtitles in English
I have the perfect words for a big finish
As they say in the cinema jargon
lets hear it for Lights! Camera! Action!!

© Shraddha Narayanan, 2011

Catch the movie at:

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0aVwkvayPQ&list=LLBCfIYzbD-ip-wv1FvXO-7Q&index=1&feature=plpp_video

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAeIWL19UDI&feature=related

The Hyderabadi Traffic!!!

The Hyderabadi Road:

“The VOW: There will not be less than 5 potholes of undefined size and shape for every 20 feet of road”

No matter where you are in Hyderabad…. If you ask for directions … its always…”seeeedha jane ka…ek hi raasta ….ek hi raasta”… the only trouble is the ek hi raasta is more intertwined than a creeper plant… and the seedha jaana involves a number of U or Y or W or Z junctions…. Now you can figure out which is seeeedha!! J

The distance of your destination probably depends on the number of eeeee’s in the seedha… The more the stress on the eeee’s the further you need to go…

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The Hyderabadi Autowalas:

Auto mein bethte hain Saath instead of Char!

Adjust karna sikha dete hain yaar

Any time argument ke liye bhi hain ready

But kissi bhi gali ya nukkad se nikaal lete hai gadi

Traffic ko beat karna hai toh without sorrow

Apni car me autowale ko karo follow…

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The Hyderabadi bikers:

“The VOW: We will resemble a swarm of locusts; with or without helmets”

Recall the humid weather in Hyderabad (actually in most of india) …. and those little tiny black insects which annoyingly hover in front of your eyes…. You can never seem to swat them or catch them in your hand or drive them away by any means…. They are just there, getting on your nerves… I am sure they are called ‘the hyderabadi bikers’ among the arthropods!

My guess is the bikers suffer from Macropsia (condition affecting visual perception, in which objects appear larger than normal) coz no matter what the distance is between two cars at a signal… there will invariably be 6 bikers nosing their way into the gap!!!

And they believe by contorting their face and squeezing their stomach in…. the bike too will magically contract and suddenly transform to be dimensionally suited to fit perfectly in the space between two bumper to bumper cars…

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Q: What is the function of the rear view mirror on the bike?

A: Miyan bolu toh aapna shakal dekhne ke vaste, ya peche begum ko dekhne ke liye ji!!

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The Hyderabadi 4-wheeled Racers:

“The VOW: We will avoid all the potholes on the road by our superior non-speed reducing swerving techniques”

First there was Lorenz’s Chaos Theory and then there were four-wheelers on the hyderabad roads!!

They are Androids on a mission. Androids with Ataxia (condition that causes unsteady and swaying walk). They are programmed to reach from point A to B and that’s it…. And they firmly believe in Displacement (rather than covering the actual distance). They have passed the SSB test (not the service selection board…) and have the three words in ingrained in their heads when they drive…

1) Swerve like Tom Cruise in MI-II

2) Speed like the bus in Speed… below 50kmph is an insult

3) Brake like… Brake?? HUH??

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Q: Why have the side view mirrors been removed from the car?

A: Kya yaaron….. peechu se gadi aake distract marta… indicator marta ya headlight marta… uske vaaste aage vali gadi ko overtake nako kar pata mein.

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The Hyderabadi Pedestrians:

The 3 solemn vows!!

“VOW 1: We are direction dyslexic: will make sure we look right when the vehicles are coming from the left and look left when vehicles are coming from the right; or better still we will look at our watch/wallet/stop and pick our nose, precisely when crossing the road”

“VOW 2: We will dance the shuffle in front of the vehicles… moving front-back, right-left with a Rowan Atkinson expression on our face, while our cerebellum slowly decides ‘to cross or not to cross… that is the question’ ”

“VOW 3: We will choose the exact moment when the signal turns green to run in front of the approaching vehicles to the other side with the conviction of Usain Bolt; and tell the adventurous story to our friends later in the day”

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Friday Morning Fever!!!

I woke up today with a start
and felt my head jump with a snort
I wondered whether to restart
my head, coz I was not feeling very smart

To my head, I applied a connection
and all I got was a rejection
When I told my sleep to go away
my brain replied "yeh suvidha uplabdh nahi hai"

Then I thought why bother
I can always hire another
but apparently brains are hard to find
Especially if you are obsessively aligned

Then I gave up altogether
why not experience a brainless slumber
And when I will be asked to work
I can dance and go berserk

Mujhse pucheege log dobara
Kya bajgaye hain tere baara?
Chal zaara haule haule
Par mein toh karungi BALLE BALLE!!!

:)

©shraddhanarayanan,2011

I LOST my Passport in LONDON!!

Note: London local time has been used in this narrative

Trip: October 2009, exactly 2 years ago!!!

I landed in Heathrow, London, 9:55am; immigration hardly took anytime and I was out by 10:30. Since my cousin had not yet arrived to pick me up, I opened my laptop and updated my 'social networking sites' to "In London for 2 weeks :)"

Sneha (my cousin sis) and Jiju (brother in law) arrived at about 11am and we left by the London tube to reach their place. We had to change 2 trains and then take a cab to reach Essex (they stay there), should have taken us about an hour and half.

The PLAN: was to reach home by about 1:30pm, have lunch and go watch movie and local site seeing in the evening. But what happened was I did not see Essex and their house till 9pm in the night...

….Why you ask??? read on…..

I checked all my belongings after I got down from the first train and we changed to the second train at about 12:15pm.

1:15 pm: got down from train 2 at East Ham; as soon as I got down realized that I did not have my passport. I checked my bags, my cousin checked too. Everything in place, except my PASSPORT!!!....

1:50pm: Jiju informed the tube station office at East Ham, they informed the Barking station were the train was headed coz.... the authorities check the train before it heads out again...... to see if had my passport

2:00-2:30pm waited in the station for news from Barking. NO NEWS....NO PASSPORT

2:30pm: East Ham train station authorities told us to report it to the local police station. Either the staff on the train could have picked up my passport or member of public could have picked up my passport. So it would either go to the station authorities or eventually land up in Baker Street (lost property office) or with the Police.

2:45pm: I and Jiju walked to the East Ham police station to register the loss.

3:00pm: The police officer told us we have to go to BTP and register our loss there as all tubes are under their jurisdiction.

BTP: being British Transport Police. BTP was in a Ham too but West Ham ( 20 minutes from our current location)

3:15pm: Back at East Ham train station, we put my big bags and Sneha on a cab to go home, and Jiju and I took the tube to West Ham to go to BTP.

3:50pm: Reached West Ham BTP station.

First impression: as if I had entered Tom Cruise's office in Minority Repot. A nice police man took our loss, made out a report on paper gave us a reference number. We needed the reference number so that we could tell the Indian Consulate about the lost passport and get temporary travel documents so that I can go to India...... phew!!!!!!!!!!

4:10pm: Registered the loss, got reference number and number of Indian consulate and got on train back to East Ham.

4:30pm: reached East Ham....finally got through the number and spoke to INDIAN Consulate.........and according to them as Saturday, Sunday and Monday are holidays we should register the loss of passport only on Tuesday at their office coz no one works on weekends and LOSS of PASSPORT is NOT important and that guy cud not understand why we were upset about losing an Indian passport in a Phirang Land.

We wondered what he thought the function of a passport was....

4:45pm: Daddy calls me from India and gives me a number in London. The owner of that number had my passport. WAIT!! Huh??!!! How???? HUH???

5:10pm: we talk to the guy and take his address.

Central London, Trafalgar Square, an hour from where we were.

6:45pm: After a lot of walking and tube travelling, we reach Mint Leaf restaurant and Mr. Mahesh who works as a cook there handed me my passport!!!

8:45pm: I am finally at home with my passport.

My Savior: A Mr. Mahesh, born in Chennai and who had worked as a cook in Delhi found my passport on the train1 (he is now a cook in Mint Leaf restaurant, London). He saw my details and realized I too was born in Chennai (Tamilian) but was residing in Delhi. As he was familiar with Delhi, He called his friend in Delhi and asked him to go to the address on the passport to inform my family that he has my passport. (My Passport does not carry my phone number)

His friend went all the way from Rajouri Garden to Vasant Kunj at night in Delhi... And we don’t stay at that address anymore!!!. The people currently staying in that flat directed Mr Mahesh’s friend to a neighbor’s house. Our old neighbors called my parents in Dwarka and enquired if I had lost my passport in London. My Parents were surprised that our neighbors knew I had lost my passport How??they them took Mr. Mahesh ka number from his friend and gave it to my parents and the rest is that I am very LUCKY that I have the passport in my hand now..

GOD Bless him and his friend!!!!!

The best part is that even before the complaint got entered and registered on the London computer system the connection has gone to Delhi and I got my passport.

LESSONs Learnt:

There are many types of dialects of British English and though all sound very cute ...all are NOT easy to understand esp. if spoken very fast

'O Blimey' = ' O Baba re'

‘Hunky Dory’ = ‘Mast’

There are Whites in London (Seemed to me that 99% Londoners were from the subcontinent)

Stations are named Barking and Ham

They serve Chicken Tikka Tandoori as a topping on Pizza in UK ;)

Glad to be a part of that population of the world which has representatives Everywhere!!!! :)

(don’t be so careless Shraddha??? :)

Thesis et al and Defense!!!

29 August 2009

Defense!!

So after my 3 part misadventures in thesis writing (which technically I cannot publish in ASM journal no matter how wonderful u all thought it was) hmm… 'ASM' is American Society for Microbiology….

Well I submitted my thesis on the run....technically 2 weeks before my defense......In the equation 'date of thesis submittal > 2 weeks before defense'

I replaced variable 'weeks' with 'days' without changing the outcome

Outcome = when committee reads it = 1 day before defense :)

So on the D day...everything went really well (thank GOD) My presentation went slower than Rajdhani express but faster than Dakshin ;) and I could answer all questions fired by my committee....

In the end I was out by 3:18pm…. my presentation started at 2pm and 1 of the committee members said that I had broken the speed record usually 2hrs is minimum

But Yes folks I am now officially Shraddha Narayanan, MS!!!!

and I took the whole weekend off without doing any work…… :) I was planning to take the Monday off too when at 10:40am I check my email (I had just got up)I had an email from my advisor.. "Come see me before 11"

????????? I thought I just finished ??????

I replied saying sorry I just checked my mail can I see you later? Did not know what he wanted….. I wanted to rest :(

Well this describes exactly what happened

My advisor wanted help with the MS office 2007 :D LOL!!

Hope all off u enjoyed my encounter with the thesis :)

Misadventures in Thesis Writing Part III

26 August 2010

WELL!!!!!!! it has finally happened today

After a lot of:

And of course my famous ping pong game......

My feelings exactly..Finally turned in my thesis to my committee.....PHEW!!!!

Cheers to PhD comics :) for keeping me alive!!!

Well if

BS: Bullshit,

MS: More of the Same or More Shit

PhD is Piled Higher and Deeper :D

looks like I am gonna stop with More Shit!! Defense on 28^th….

Misadventures in Thesis Writing Part II

20 August 2009

To orient everybody so that we are all on the same page… (haan haan amerika ki hawa lag gayi :) I left off last time elated that I had submitted my thesis draft to my advisor.... little did I know that was just the beginning of a lot of well ... paperwork.

I got back 1 million and 2 corrections on my draft....ok ok fine..... I am exaggerating here... I got back 1 million and 1 corrections ... and then we played ping pong (American table tennis…...all same except the name). I would correct and hand it to my PI (Principal Investigator/ advisor) and I would get it back with strangely corrections on the previous corrections.... then I would hand it in again after I made those corrections and then the next round of corrections on the previous corrections on the previous se previous corrections....

My plight can also be represented as a series progression, where sigma (thesis); defined by variable C (as in corrections); ranges from infinity to infinity + 1 million.

My current status is "undefined for the given set of conditions". I am just waiting for my advisor to get tried of reading and just let me turn in my thesis....

Meanwhile during a particularly long volley (of corrections).....I realized that the Do or Die date is around the corner (to be read Defence Date: Friday, the 28th of August....O My God) and I had not yet started on my slides yet.....

I was fully aware that an example of a simple harmonic motion was brewing in the near future (i.e ping pong with my advisor about my presentation slides)

I mentioned to my PI that l want to show him my slides on Monday (today) so that I will be prepared by Friday ……. he said...."oh 1 day is enough for slide preparation; you are too smart to spend so much time on that"

Huh???? I have to give a public presentation, defending my 1 year research...... in less than 4 days!!!

So right now I am making my slides while waiting for C= infinity + (do you really have to know???)

If this drama was not enough.... there was an unexpected twist to my story just today morning.....1 of my committee members is not available on 28^th morning (my decided time to defend)......

[to let everyone know why this 28th ( O my god) is a sacred day ....it is the last day anyone who wants to graduate in summer should defend ( like for example me)]

So imagine I panicked and mailed the Prof back asking him for the times he is free on friday.

[this system is unique to America...you email stuff like "can I meet you at so n so" or 'r u free between so n so' even if that person is in the cabin next to yours.....it is the "American way" considered polite (might be too...but not every time) ]

Finally after no new email (in 30 minutes) I went to his cabin found out when he is free and walked to other committee members found out when they r free and fixed a time in absolutely Hindustani isstyle :) which honestly... took lot less waiting and typing but maybe a little exercise ;)

Well it worked so now if the 28 the last possible day was not enough I am defending at 2pm ( may be the last hour) on 28^th :D

Writing this has certainly refreshed me....now to get back to my slides....will update you all on "Final Showdown 'Shraddha vs MS' " as soon as I am done..

Misadventures in Thesis Writing Part I

This is officially my first Post; this piece has been lying in my documents for a long time... just managed to stop procrastinating, found the perfect background for my posts etc etc.. So never mind the date of the event, hope you enjoy reading about my 'misadventure' as much as I enjoyed being in it and writing it......

2 August 2009 ( My Masters days in Michigan State University)

About a month back, 2^nd July to be exact I was told by my research committee that the work I had done was good and I can safely start writing "A gigantic tale of sophisticated scientifically worded experimental data/analysis /the works which includes maybe 50% work what I did and 250% what others in the field have done" in other words 'My' thesis.

My committee members during the committee meeting told me that I would have to submit my thesis to them 2 weeks before my defense so that they will have enough time to push it (my thesis) till the end of those 2 weeks and read it just before my defense but wait I am rambling here.....I would have to submit my thesis to them 2 weeks before my defense so that they have an idea of what I am going to talk about and basically change the black ink magically to red illegible marks complete with their own set of arrow heads.

My overworked brain[....coz I was thinking what I am going to wear for my defense + when will I next play baddy + when will I hit the mall next ...etc.. :)] quickly calculated that I have less than a month to write my thesis (My deadline to defend is 31 August as I am a summer graduate).

Finally today after submitting my thesis (1 day after the deadline.... Indian to the core) to my advisor I told him that we are already past the deadline to submit to the committee if I have to defend august end (so basically do not make any corrections)……....My advisor then launched into a small folk tale called "the tale of the late submittal"...which described a certain PhD committee member who got the thesis of a PhD student 'three' days before his defense....and guess who the committee member was.... My advisor!!!

So the moral of this tale was that since my 50 odd page 'masters' thesis was a 'very short piece of information' and would not take more than 2 days to digest by the members (hmmmm......) so I can safely submit it to the committee 5 days before my defense....

Anyway the first tiny step into the "Legends of the Hidden Degree" is done.... next I will wade through a mystic river of red ink with my faithful Acer and then face a room full of 'James Bonds' of microbial diversity to defend my 50 pages, 1 year of research.... :)